why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
this hospital has no fireball
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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