margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
