anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
