making cat noises will not fix the situation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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