I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize