Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
