we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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