let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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