i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
