my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
