i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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