my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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