hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
