Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
