put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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