She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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