its not stalking. its research.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
