saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
