i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize