just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
