Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
