She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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