Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
