i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
