final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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