Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
