my sisters under your porch take her home
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
