Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
