he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
