We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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