I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize