The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
