I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
