We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
