What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
