Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
