All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
