so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
