Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
