Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
