if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
