My friends, they love my intelligence
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
