I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
