I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How's work?
Spinning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
