I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
