he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
