Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
