your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
