My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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