Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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