That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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