what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
