imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
