she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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