I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
