How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
