My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
