I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
