oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
