summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize