that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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