Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think people are normalizing furries
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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